not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
