onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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