Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
