You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
