Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
