apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
