So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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