You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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