she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
