You can't motorboat a personality
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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