i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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