Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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