I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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