Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize