It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
