We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
