im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
