Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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