that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
