A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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