Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
