Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
