There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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