1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
id be glad to
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I didn't notice because vodka
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
