she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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