Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
