I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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