whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Non-Jews are for practice
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
