My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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