I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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