I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
