Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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