Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
please come you make the beer taste better
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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