Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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