Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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