I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
