i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm sobbing to NWA
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
we should paint friendship bongs
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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