Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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