I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
