Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
