Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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