did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
