he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
