i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
