Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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