You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
