If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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