I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
