its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My dick has a subreddit
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
