I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
