Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
