And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
