The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you win again, gameday.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm too high and old for this...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
