So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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