i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
