Pregnant stripper...not hot.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
